


What Happens When You Have a Ghost Problem

by BlackBlood1872



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Humor, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-03-11 09:19:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 7,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3322112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackBlood1872/pseuds/BlackBlood1872
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A one shot collection based around our favorite ghost boy. Contains many genres, I suppose, but mostly humor (as bad as my sense of humor is). I'm setting this as complete because I've fallen out of this Fandom and I have no more ideas for this story. Sorry about that.<br/>A version of this called "What Happens to Ghost Boys" can be found on FFN under the same penname as on here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Don't Know, Can You?

**Author's Note:**

> This stupid thing has undergone so many name changes it's ridiculous. First it was What Happens in School, but that stopped fitting (the original title was, fully, "what happens in school gets turned into drabbles" based off the phrase "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas"), then it was What Happens to Ghost Boys, but I don't like that, now it's What Happens When You Have a Ghost Problem, which fits better I suppose but I still don't like it. 
> 
> So, this is my collection of Danny Phantom one shots. I try to be humorous but I'm not sure how well I am at it. I'll probably start dipping into AUs and Angst soon enough. Gods know I have enough of it on my hard drive.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before all else, Mr Lancer is an English teacher

Danny stuck his hand in the air and said "Mr Lancer, can I go to the bathroom?" His ghost sense was screaming at him and he had to get out of here.

Mr Lancer's voice was absent when he replied, not looking up from the papers he was grading. "I don't know, _can_ you?"

The whole class froze, staring at him in disbelief. Danny's mouth fell open, ghost forgotten.

He _did not_ just say that. Mr Lancer looked up, eyes blinking as he forced himself out of his stupor. He couldn't believe himself either.

Just then, a faint shout sounded outside the classroom: "I am the BOX GHOST!"

Danny groaned in quiet mental pain as he started fishing around in his bag. The second the Box Ghost flew into the room, hands up in his usual manner, he was engulfed by white light. A frantic 'Beware!' was the last thing the students heard.

Danny let his head fall back onto his desk.


	2. The Boy Who Cried Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a while, they stop believing you

The day started out perfect. Danny woke up to his alarm, refreshed from a night of uninterrupted sleep. No ghost attacked him on his way to school and he made it through all of his first class. And yet...

"Mr Lancer?" he'd waited for a lull in his teacher's speech to raise his hand and be pointed at.

Mr Lancer sighed, "What is it, Mr Fenton?"

" _May_ I be excused?" he asked, trying not to wince as he put a slight emphases on the word 'may'. He didn't need a repeat. His teacher sighed again.

"Mr Fenton, for all the times you ask to go, I hardly think you _ever_ leave to use the facilities," Danny felt his heart skip a beat, fearing for his secret. Surely Lancer didn't know? And this time, he thought with a burst of indignation, he _actually_ had to go! "So, _no,_ you may _not_ be excused."

With that, he went on teaching, leaving Danny to sit in his seat, fidgeting.

He wondered if he'd make it to the bell.


	3. Of All The Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was bound to happen

Danny entered the school and hid a yawn behind his hand as he made his way to his locker. His hand just brushed the metal when he groaned, leaning his head against it. He was still being affected by his dad's invention and couldn't go intangible. He sighed and reached for the lock when he froze.

Crud.

What was his combination?

Danny's head hit the locker twice more before he stomped to his first class with only his backpack.

_Of all the things to happen_ , he grumbled to himself. Danny couldn't believe he'd forgotten his own locker combination.

–

In the classroom, Tucker frowned at him. "Dude, where's your stuff?"

"I forgot my locker combo," Danny groaned in way of answer, letting his head fall onto his desk.

"Couldn't you just–" Tucker stuck his arm out and wriggled his fingers; the teen's imitation of Danny going intangible. Danny shook his head.

"No. Dad's invention is still affecting me. I can't... do anything yet." He gave a weak chuckle, "At least Val's around to take care of any ghosts today. Not that I can _mention_ it to her. Like, 'Hey Val, mind taking the day for me?' No thanks. I just hope her tracker's good enough to sense them."

"Dude, that sucks," Tucker sympathized. He leaned over his desk to stare at Danny's bag. "So, what do you have?"

Danny leafed through the sheets and crumpled papers in his bag, pulling out a ratty notebook and a text book. "Math," he declared. Tucker groaned. Danny felt like following his example.

They didn't even _have_ Math today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What lead to this: "Danny is always reaching through his locker to get his books and stuff. Do you think he's ever forgotten his locker combo? What if he was without his powers for a day, didn't know his combo and had to try and get through the day? Poor kid."


	4. Be Careful What You Wish For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't always take a star to grant a wish

Sam growled as she watched Paulina strut through the walls. What looked like every male in the school stared at her, tumbling over themselves to talk to her, to help her do some trivial thing. It was sickening.

"Can't believe this..." Sam grumbled, turning sharply and speed walking away from the other girl. "Can't they all see how much of a _baby_ she's being?" Sam continued to mutter under her breath, uncaring of the looks she was getting.

"'Oh, can you grab that for me, I'm so delicate I can't do it myself'," she mocked. "'Wait on me hand and foot, my minions'. She's so _pathetic._ 'Yes, my mommy helped dress me today, how could you _tell?_ '

"I wish they could see how big of a baby she really is," Sam spat darkly, finally reaching the doors to her classroom.

Hidden from view around a corner, Desiree cackled. "Your wish is my command," she whispered with a dark grin.

–

The next day, Sam physically stopped when she entered the school. Tucker bumped into her with a muffed curse and rubbed his arm when he moved to her side.

"What are you–" he started, then stopped, eyes widening as he took in the scene.

Almost the entire population of the school was crowded in the main hallway, forming a loose circle that Sam and Tucker easily pushed their way into. In the center of the circle was Kwan, sitting on the floor with–

Was that _Paulina_? Sam's brain sputtered to a halt and she couldn't do anything but stare as the toddler waddled around Kwan, chattering as she waved a pink, plush bunny around. Most of the other students seemed to reacting like she was, but others had their phones out and were either snapping photos or taking videos. Neither Kwan or Paulina seemed to notice or care.

"Hey, guys, why are you all–" Danny started as he found his friends, stopping once he was next to Sam and could see what the commotion was about. "What."

"She was like this when we showed up," Tucker told him, PDA held in front of him. Sam glanced at the device, seeing a blinking red dot in the corner of the screen. A video, then.

"Do you think," Danny started, then lowered his voice to a whisper after glancing around, "it was Desiree?"

Sam flinched slightly, eyes widening. Oh crud.

"Sam?" Danny wondered next to her. Her face shifted into a slightly guilty expression before she could stop it and she grimaced when Danny eyes narrowed.

"Ha ha... Oops?" she muttered and Danny groaned, dropping his face into his hands. Beside them, Tucker looked torn between laughing and following Danny's example.

Maybe she'd have to keep her rants a little quieter next time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idea from Megaphantom (anon from FFN). Not my favorite piece.


	5. The Importance of Sidekicks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> noting on the perils of lending items out

Danny gasped, a small wisp of blue air escaping his mouth before he ducked his head to hide it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw both of his friends looking at him and jerked his head towards the door. They nodded and Danny stuck his hand in the air.

Mr Lancer sighed, turning to look at Danny with a slightly disappointed look. "Yes, Mr Fenton?" he asked tiredly.

"May I be excused?" he asked, as per usual. Mr Lancer frowned at him for a moment before turning back to the board and his lecture with a nod.

"Be back before class is over!" he called as the boy rushed out of the room.

"Mr Lancer, can we–" he heard Tucker start to ask, but cut him off.

"No."

Tucker fell silent, sharing an uneasy glance with Sam. Hopefully the ghost Danny sensed wasn't too big of a threat, because it looked like they wouldn't be going with him this time. Sam grit her teeth, but settled back into her chair. He'd be fine.

Right? She felt like there was something she was forgetting...

–

"I am the BOX GHOST!" Danny heard and immediately groaned. It was just his luck that the ghost that pulled him out of a class he was _actually_ paying attention to was _this one_.

"Everyone knows," Danny replied as he flew into the ghost's view. The Box Ghost turned to him with a grin.

"Then I am even more famous than I ever imagined!" he shouted, as per usual. Danny ignored him, charging up an ectoblast instead. It hit the Box Ghost in the arm and he spun away with an overdramatic cry.

Flying towards the ghost, Danny reached for the Thermos clipped to his belt. He froze. There was nothing there.

That's when Danny remembered Sam borrowing it the night before, promising to return it during lunch. Which meant she still had it.

Crud.

–

Back in the classroom, Sam suddenly slapped her forehead. Everyone turned to look at her but she ignored them, dropping her head onto her desk.

She get it to him after class. Hopefully. 


	6. The Cycle Continues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ghosts are eternal. So he's never going away

_21 years after the Disasteroid_

Danny Fenton stood in front of the classroom, staring silently as the twenty-odd students funnelled in. He never thought this was where he was going to end up after saving the world, but, well, what can you do? Maybe he shouldn't have looked up to Mr Lancer so much, despite what a pain the teacher had been during his freshman year.

And now, here he was, being a pain to freshmen himself. Oh, life.

"Settle down," he called once the bell rang and everyone that wasn't going to be late was in the room. He opened his mouth to speak again when, not to his surprise, one last student ran into the classroom, all but collapsing on her desk.

He shot her a look, trying not to grin. "Well, look who's late," he said, leaning back against his desk with crossed arms. The girl's head snapped up, eyes wide.

"Da–" she cut herself off, grimacing. Lilith Fenton avoided her father's eyes, shifting so she was sitting properly in her chair. With a quickly hidden smile – it wasn't _professional_ – he let it go.

"If you've managed to read what I've written on the board, you'll know that I'm Danny Fenton. I'll be your Biology teacher for the rest of term. I sincerely hope you survive."

And on that cheery note, he began his first year of teaching at Casper High School.

–

It was one of those days. The sun had managed to shine over the snow covered ground, the few remaining birds were chirping, the Box Ghost was collecting boxes, and Lilith Fenton was stuck in Biology class, trying to find a way out of dissecting frogs.

"You _can't_ expect me to participate, can you?" she wondered, somewhat incredulously, staring at her dad with wide eyes. Danny sighed.

"I _really_ don't want to do this class either, but it's part of the curriculum. It's either this, or something even _worse_ ," he told her, suppressing a shudder. When writing up the syllabus, he'd found out all the options concerning this portion of the class. To say the least, he was glad Sam _never_ had to see it.

"There's something _worse_ than this?" Lilith gasped, feeling faint.

Images of cow brains crossed his mind and Danny nodded, feeling a little sick himself.

"There really is. So unless you want to try freeing all the frogs or skipping the class, you'll have to–" he broke off, shivering as blue air escaped both his and his daughters mouth. He closed his eyes. "Crud."

Lilith managed a smirk. "Guess I'll have to go fix that, huh?" she said, relieved that she had an excuse to escape. Danny frowned at her but sighed.

"Fine. Get going. Don't be seen," he said in a monotone, rolling his eyes when Lilith did a little dance before fleeing the classroom. Turning to the rest of the class, none of whom had been close enough to hear the two, he shrugged. "We'll have to start without her. Everyone got a frog?"

Some slightly nauseated faces and many blank ones looked at him. Everyone nodded. "Good. Now then..."

–

In the room beneath her Biology lab, Lilith scowled as she crossed her arms. In front of her, looking only slightly nervous, floated the most annoying ghost in existence.

"I am the BOX GHOST! Fear me!"

Lilith sighed. "Darn it Dad." Still, better this than frogs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This just grew without any say on my part. Just, wow. I got a prompt from a friend (Helios Valhalla on FFN) that was just: "you could have it set in the future and have Danny as a teacher". Then all of a sudden he had a kid and the Box Ghost decided to butt in and... yeah. Oops. I really like this one though.


	7. Strike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They just really like the school, okay?

When the students arrived at school, they were greeted to the sight of no fewer than a dozen ghosts marching around the entrance to the building, everyone holding a sign and shouting–

Something. No one could actually understand what the ghosts were saying. They couldn't even read the signs.

"What the heck is this?" one student called and every ghostly eye snapped towards the crowd. The same voice that had spoken let out an 'eep'.

"You would not understand the complexity that is Esperanto!" the Box Ghost called from the forefront of the ghosts, shaking his head in mock despair. Behind him, a ghost that looked like an anthropomorphic wolf nodded, saying something that might have been agreement.

None of the student knew, though. He'd said it in Esperanto.

Just then, two more teens ran towards the school, where they stopped, panting. Above them, Phantom stared at the crowd with an odd look on his face. Beside him was a small, green puppy.

Cujo let out a happy bark, then darted forward, grabbing a small sign that was on the ground near the amassed ghosts with his mouth and holding it up proudly. He couldn't bark like this, but his tail was wagging fiercely.

"Hey!" Phantom called with a slightly betrayed tone, gaping at 'his' dog. The dog just jumped around, waving his sign.

_I'm so glad I had Tucker teach me Esperanto,_ Danny thought as he read the signs, looking more bewildered as  the seconds ticked by. Not that the signs helped any, since most of them were saying things like  _let us learn_ and  _ghosts for school_ . One of them said  _Meat for Lunch!_ and he flicked an uneasy glance at the Lunch Lady.

"Why are you even here?" Phantom managed to ask, voice close to breaking. He just didn't understand what was going on.

"We just really like the school, okay?" one of the ghosts finally explained, slouching slightly. "But you always chase us away and we... we just want to stay, is that so much to ask?" Nods and murmurs of agreement ran through the crowd.

Phantom opened his mouth to respond, but never got the chance. On the street behind him, a large van suddenly pulled up, the doors bursting open to show the Fenton adults.

"GHOSTS!" Jack shouted, bazooka in hand and grin on his face. Beside him, Maddie looked calmer, her face carefully blank behind her goggles.

One of the ghosts screamed at the sight of them – but more Maddie. No one really took Jack seriously.

All the ghosts turned tail and flew away as fast as they could, some still shrieking in Esperanto. All that remained of their strike were the signs on the ground.

Phantom blinked. Then he shrugged to himself, flying away and turning invisible. No need for his parents to catch him if he could avoid it. And he was pretty sure the dozen or so ghosts would be avoiding his mother for the rest of the day, so he wouldn't have to worry about that.

Not quite the best start to his day, but it was unfortunately becoming familiar.

Oh well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what this is either. Or if it's funny. I don't know if I even have a sense of humor actually. And if it feels rushed, that's because it is. Sorry.


	8. Holiday Cheer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> or, how a scrooge survives Christmas

"Danny?" Tucker asked hesitantly, watching his friend warily. Danny looked up with a frown, his usual expression this time of the year.

"What?" he wondered, word slightly muddled by the candy cane in his mouth.

"What are you doing?"

Danny blinked, then looked down at the table where a collection of candy canes were spread out before him. They were split into two groups, one with the canes still wrapped and the other...

"Weapons," Danny muttered, pulling the stick out of his mouth and observing the sharp point the end had become. "I'm making weapons."

Tucker laughed weakly, looking unsettled. "Why?" he asked, though he really didn't want to. Danny gave him a blank stare.

"It's Christmas," he replied. He reached for another cane. "I hate Christmas."

"So... you're making weapons?"

"What better why to get revenge than to turn their own candy against them?" Danny wondered quietly, a dark look in his eyes as he started working on making another one. Tucker glanced at the collection of candy canes again before making a retreat.

He didn't want to be around when Danny used his new weapons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of two Xmas chapters, written in December of 2014


	9. Drinking to the Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's his first time at the Christmas Truce Party and Danny discovers something... odd

It was Christmas afternoon and Danny was flying, reluctantly, through the Ghost Zone. He was following Cujo, who surprisingly knew where to go, but Danny supposed he shouldn't be surprised. As a ghost, Cujo must know instinctively where the Party was, right? Unlike Danny, who didn't even know about the thing until after the incident with Ghost Writer.

They arrived at a brightly decorated, green and red glowing building. Danny could hear faint music and laughing voices. He blinked, somewhat surprised. So... they did, actually, mean _Party_.

Danny entered the building with much caution, looking at everything like it could kill him. Which it could. Almost all the ghosts were here and he knew for a fact that, while none of them had killed him yet, many had wounded him in the past. They could do it again.

"Ghost child!" Skulker called, spotting Danny in the crowd and the teen reflexively floated backwards and away from Skulker's– had he tried to pat him on the back? And what was he drinking? Danny didn't know, but he thought it might be alcoholic.

Of course, Skulker's shout drew everyone's attention and soon the ghosts were clamoring to talk to him. Danny was perplexed by it and stuttered his way to a quieter area.

He guessed when they said  _truce_ , they really meant it.

"Here you go, deary," a creaky voice said to him and Danny blinked up at the Lunch Lady. He accepted the mug numbly, glancing down at it. He winced. Danny was sure that shade of green was called  _'mucus'._

"What is this?" he asked warily. The Lunch Lady chortled at him.

"Eggnog, deary. It's _festive_. Now _drink_." Her voice darkened.

Not wanting to contend with that tone of voice, Danny did as he was told. Now, eggnog was an acquired taste and Danny hadn't quite gotten his yet, but he didn't want to know what she'd do to him if he refused, truce or no.

Closing his eyes and just barely stopping himself from plugging his nose, Danny took a sip.

It was surprisingly good. Danny wilted in relief. Then he asked, "What's in this?" Because it was _green_ and taste didn't absolve that fact. The Lunch Lady smiled slyly.

"Why, there's eggs and milk and sugar. And ectoplasm, of course; everything in the Ghost Zone is made of ectoplasm." She grinned at him before floating away, leaving the Halfa to his growing nausea. He wasn't sure if he was even _able_ to eat ectoplasm.

Danny decided not to think about. It hadn't harmed him yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second Xmas chapter.  
> [Original author's note: here's hoping Danny doesn't marry the toilet when he goes back to his human form. Who knows what ingesting ectoplasm does to Halfas. And, since it's eggnog, there's probably alcohol in there, ja? What would it be, fermented ectoplasm?]


	10. Making it Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's a new year, and the Fentons are going in with a bang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The New Year's chapter.  
> Hints of Amethyst Ocean, I suppose.

It was New Year's Eve.

And, of course, Amity Park's resident scientists were up to something.

Danny watched nervously from the roof of his home as his father carried various ominous looking contraptions up to the top of the Ops center. His mother was already up there, dealing with wires and actually welding some things together. Danny didn't know what they were up to – he'd only gotten smug looks when he'd asked – and, as the night went on, he almost didn't _want_ to know.

Tucker and Sam were standing next to him, bundled up against the eight o'clock, mid-Winter chill. Tucker would have to leave before midnight came around, but Sam was pretty confident that she could avoid anything her parents had going on. Danny was thankful for that, at least. He'd hate to have to weather his parent's New Years insanity by himself.

"Where did you say Jazz was again?" Tucker mumbled, squinting suspiciously at the lights Jack was now carrying. Danny shrugged.

"Out with friends?" he replied, but it was as much of a question as Tucker's. "I don't know. She just vanished around seven."

"Probably running from this," Tucker muttered. Sam snorted.

"They're usually harmless," she recounted, ignoring Danny's twitching face. "And this time, I don't think they're _aiming_ to harm. It's New Years. They're probably trying to make fireworks."

"So, we should run while we're not on fire?" Tucker drawled.

"Maybe," Sam conceded and, while the adults were distracted, the trio escaped to the street.

–

At quarter to midnight, the Ops center was glowing. Sam and Danny were sitting on the sidewalk across the street from Fenton Works. Jazz stood next to them, worriedly wringing her hands. There was a crowd around them which had steadily grown ever since ten thirty, when the first lights on the Ops center had turned on.

"This looks like more than fireworks," Danny said quietly, just loud enough for the two girls to hear. Sam shifted uneasily.

"Probably harmless," she said again, but didn't look so sure. Jazz nodded along.

"I managed to see one of their blueprints," she said, ignoring or not seeing Danny's surprised look, "and I _think_ they're just going to try and make writing with fireworks. But Dad wrote the prints, so I don't know if that will happen."

"So they _could_ blow up the Ops center," Danny mused, nodding grimly. Jazz grimaced.

"Yes."

"Wonderful," Sam murmured.

–

Four minutes to midnight, a loud screech sounded from the roof. "Testing, testing," they heard Maddie say. "Good, it's working."

"Good evening Amity Park!" Jack's voice called, followed by another screech. Every spectator winced. "Sorry."

There was the sound of a sigh, then the mike obviously changed hands. "To welcome in the new year," Maddie began and a hush fell over the street, "the Fentons have put together something appropriately spectator."

"Oh, _Little Gidding_ ," someone whispered next to the trio and Danny startled. He looked up at Mr Lancer, disbelieving. Even _his teacher_ got dragged into this? And, as anyone who knew the man knew, that book title drop was an oath.

"We're going to die," Danny groaned, dropping his head into his hands. Sam patted his back halfheartedly.

"Think harmless," she said quietly, as had become her routine.

Danny really hoped it was going to be.

–

Of course, even with the Fenton adults creating on an accidental tense atmosphere, it was New Years Eve. As the clock counted down to the end of the year, the crowd was almost vibrating with how much the people were twittering. It _was_ exciting, Danny mused, regardless of the 'entertainment'.

"And here's the countdown!" Jack called from the roof, this time just quiet enough that there was no screech. Everyone looked back up at the Ops center, just in time to see a fire work go up into the air. It was trailing green and, Danny sniffed, reeked of ectoplasm. Of course.

Danny's groan was hidden by the oohs the crowd gave out when the firework burst into green sparkles, a ghostly _10_ hanging in the middle.

"Wow," Sam breathed next to him. Danny had to agree with her, no matter how much he really didn't like the idea of using _ectoplasm_ in _fireworks_.

He guessed there would be ghosts swarming soon enough.

Every second, another number went up, each slightly higher in the air so they could be seen over the fading numbers previous.

The number _1_ was followed by the gong of the town's bell tower. Then, one last firework set off.

_Happy New Year!_ Wrote itself out as the result of a series of blasts and the crowd cheered. Surprising himself, Danny joined in with his own shout.

Half a second into the new year, Sam bent over and pressed a light kiss to his cheek, leaning back before Danny even realized it happened.

They avoided each others eyes, both with their own blushes, but Danny couldn't contain his grin.

This new year would be a good one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Little Gidding" is a poem, the final in a quartet, by T.S. Eliot. A quote from it showed up on quotegarden dot com regarding new years, so I thought our favorite teacher would refer to it here.  
> Just a note that I'll be doing specials for all the fancy days of the year (like Valentines day coming up and possibly a Ghost holiday or something), so there will always be updates on this thing.


	11. Settling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dani's not good at it, but she tries. A tad AU

When Dani found herself back at the Fenton's, fidgeting nervously under Danny's surprised gaze, she said that she wanted to try being a teenager for once. _"You know,"_ she started, _"like going to school and hanging out at arcades and stuff."_

So after a rather stilted conversation with his parents, Danny managed to get her enrolled into Casper High as the freshman Annie Fenton. Long lost cousin, you know. She was fine with it, the name having stuck better than 'Dani with an I'. It was Tucker's idea and his reasoning still made her laugh.

_"Well, she's a she, isn't she?"_ she remembered him say with a shrug.  _"So take off the D to match."_

Annie – and she was getting used to that surprisingly quick – had laughed herself sick after she got the joke, even while Danny cringed and Sam looked about ready to punch  Tucker. She was ever grateful that she could call this group her friends.

–

But, of course...

It only took her a week to be bored of it.  _ Why did I think school was a good idea?  _ She'd been made to be perfect, so she'd known lots of things  when she was 'born' because Vlad had programed  it  into her. After he stopped being a douche, much later, he'd helped tutor her. So, Annie didn't really  _ need _ to be in school...

She just thought a bit of normality and stability would be good for her. Oh, was she wrong.

Annie sat at her desk, left arm laying mostly flat on the surface with that hand holding up her head, and absently spun a pencil between the fingers of her right. She wasn't paying the slightest amount of attention to Mr Lancers lecture, focusing instead on how fast she could make the pencil go. Faster and faster, until it was a yellow blur–

The pencil flew out of her hand, clattering to the floor. All sound stopped. Then...

"Ms Fenton!" Mr Lancer exclaimed, appalled. Annie sat up straight, fixing an apologetic look onto her face. From the look Mr Lancer was giving her, it worked about as well as it did for Danny.

Annie had also thought, though she didn't tell anyone, that by going to school, she'd get to spend more time with her 'cousin'. Not only were they in different grades, but she only rarely saw him at lunch because of ghosts and bullies and a whole host of other things. He wasn't even around to pass _notes_ to!

School wasn't supposed to be this boring, was it?

"Are you listening to me, Ms Fenton?" Mr Lancer said suddenly and Annie jolted, startled. That was all the answer he needed and the teacher sighed. "Detention, Ms Fenton."

Annie silently groaned. Just what she needed.

"Maybe you can learn something from your cousin. Although, given he's  _sharing_ your detention..." Mr Lancer muttered as he turned away and Annie lit up with a grin once he wasn't looking.

Maybe she  _could_ pass notes to Danny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit where it's due, the name change comes from chapter 22 of Shots in the Dark by HappyLeif on FFN. Quote was rephrased.   
> The AU factor comes from the events of Phantom Planet: here, Vlad wasn't stuck in space and the whole event managed to fix some of the screws in his head, so he tried acting like a sort of dad for Annie the few times she dropped by. Other than that, I haven't seen the show in a while, so I'm a bit wonky on the details of this series heh.


	12. 14 Woes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "maybe the ghosts are getting to him"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mandatory February 14th chapter.  
> Not my best, I wrote it at the end of a 30 hour day. Sorry. And posted late, I'd forgotten about it.

Danny woke to the beeping of his alarm clock, surprisingly refreshed after a rare full night of sleep. With a pleased groan, Danny rolled out of bed and got ready for school.

Downstairs, he met an oddly preoccupied and jittery Jazz, who waved off his concerns. Shrugging, Danny grabbed for something to eat, then headed out the door.

Tucker met up with him halfway to school and Danny greeted him cheerfully. So far, there had been no ghosts around to bug him and Danny's spirits had risen because of it. Tucker just laughed, taking out his PDA with a mocking declaration of making a note of it – since it probably wouldn't happen again.

When they reached the school steps, Sam was already there, scowling and glaring at everything as she shifted on the balls of her feet. When she spotted them – when she spotted _Danny_ – she let out an explosive breath and bounded down the steps, determinately digging through her bag.

Once she was close enough, she pulled something out and shoved it at Danny's chest with a snarled "here!" Then she was spinning and gone, but not before either boy saw her blush.

Danny looked down and felt his own face heat up. In his hand was an – obviously custom-made – black, purple, and green valentine's card.

Beside him, Tucker made a sound that sounded like a crow of success, then started rapidly typing on his PDA. Cashing in a bet, most likely, Danny thought with an exasperated eye roll. Figuring her could look at it later, Danny stuck the card in his bag and entered the school.

Almost immediately, Paulina was in his path, cunning smile on her lips as she handed him a bright pink, glittery card without a word. Two seconds later, Valerie had slapped her own into his hand.

"Popular, aren't you?" he heard Tucker mutter, but Danny didn't bother responding, blinking at the cards instead. What was going on?

When he looked up again, both Paulina and Valerie were across the hall, chatting with a nervous looking Star. Danny narrowed his eyes. Wait a minute...

When Star managed to dredge up her courage and head over, a light yellow envelope in her hand, Danny knew something was wrong.

And that's when his alarm clock decided to go off.

"What the–" Danny groaned, barely cracking open his eyes to glare at the offending green numbers and the origin of the horrid beeping that had awoken him. With a muttered curse, Danny pulled himself up, smacking his alarm as he passed it. The beeping stopped, but the odd feeling of deja vu didn't and Danny narrowed his eyes as he got dressed. What had he been dreaming about? Glancing at the calender, Danny pulled up short.

February fourteenth. Valentine's Day.

With a heartfelt groan, Danny prepared himself to face a school full of smitten teenagers and stupid pink cupids.

The dream was forgotten.


	13. Definition of Evil (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Ultimate Enemy. The terrible twos. Combined

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourself, this ones a doozy.

"Daddy!" the child ghost shouted as Danny came into view. The teen froze. That voice... even if it was higher pitched, younger, he knew it. Had nightmares about it. And after today, he was going to be having different nightmares about it.

Danny turned, dreading what he'd find. There was crowd around him, the students stunned and intrigued by the call, but he stopped noticing them.

All he saw was the miniature Dan grinning up at him, one of his front teeth missing. _Like a little kid that just lost his tooth_ , Danny recognized dumbly. The ghost bounced slightly, eyes wide and throwing him off; there was no hate or anything in them.

"Daddy," he said again and Danny cringed, face morphing into something horrified.

_"What?"_ he croaked. Behind him, he heard both Sam and Tucker start choking. Seconds later, he recognized _laughter_ . Spinning around, he glared at them, his face red. "It's not _funny!_ "

"B-but," Tucker stuttered past his laughter, "but it's _true_ . He– he came from you and–" he broke off with more chuckles, though there was a bit of disgust in the back of his mind. _Vlad and Danny made a kid._ He shuddered. That image was never going away.

If anything, that made Danny even more mortified. But before he could say anything – like needing copious amounts of brain bleach – a small hand tugged on his sleeve. Dan floated next to him, eyes wide and sad.

"Don't you want to play with me?" the child whimpered, red eyes tearing up. Danny gaped.

This was a nightmare. It really was. What was _going on?_

"I– wha– but I–" There was nothing coherent he could say. This was just too unreal. But Dan was looking at him with such an innocently pleading look and there wasn't really anything he could do. Danny heaved a sigh. "Sure, I'll..." he cringed, " _play_."

He just hoped this Dan didn't have his older self's definition of 'games'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This is probably my favorite of the lot and I feel kinda bad about that oops)  
> My explanation is Clockwork de-aged him. For the lolz. I don't know.


	14. Definition of Evil (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2

Vlad was in Amity Park for a visit to torment Danny and his family, as per usual. Danny, after that one day at school that he honestly wished never happened, flinched the moment he saw the man. Vlad raised an eyebrow, vaguely amused, and watched as Danny darted back upstairs.

For the entirety of that day, Danny avoided Vlad like the plague. He shuddered slightly every time he saw the man, remembering Tuckers words from that day.

_Why_ did Dan have to exist at all, let alone as a _kid?_ How did that even _happen?_

Danny couldn't avoid dinner, and of course Jack invited Vlad to join them. Danny kept his eyes mostly on his dish. Jazz sat between him and Vlad, something Danny was immensely thankful for.

But then, just as he thought the night couldn't get any worse...

"Daddy!" a slightly echoing, but mostly ecstatic voice called from the lab and every head turned in that direction. Jack looked confused, while Maddie furrowed her brow. Jazz blinked, darting a glance at her brother, and Vlad looked startled. Danny, on the other hand, froze in his chair as he paled.

_Not again_ , he whimpered silently, eyes glued to the doorway.

Then Mini Dan jumped into the room, rushing towards him with a massive grin.

Danny was immensely confused when Dan ran past him, then heard the startled shout behind him and didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Turning around, Danny saw Vlad sputter as he stared at the little ghost boy clutching the front of his shirt. "Daddy," Dan repeated firmly, like he did with Danny a few weeks ago, and Vlad paled. Then, as if he just wanted to make everything worse, Dan looked over his shoulder with a shark-like grin and stared right at Danny. "Daddy."

_Crud,_ was all Danny could really think before his parents starting reacting.

Clockwork, watching through one of his many time windows, allowed himself a slightly dark smile.

–

Once he was able to spin some flimsy story about why there was a ghost kid who thought _Danny_ _and_ _Vlad_ , of all people, were his dads, Danny escaped to the Ghost Zone. He'd never flown so fast and Danny didn't know he could get to Clockworks tower that quick.

When he asked the ghost, Clockwork merely looked at him with laughing eyes and said, "He causes less trouble this way."

_Less trouble, my left foot,_ Danny grumbled, glowering down at where Dan was sitting, playing with a plastic truck. Vlad stood in a dark corner, looking scared and wishing he could leave. Danny wanted to join him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end  
> (Have I managed to kill anyone?)


	15. Oblivious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Jack drabble  
> [The most serious thing in here]

Jack wasn't blind. He knew his family thought he was, he knew _Vlad_ thought he was, but he really wasn't. It was a good front, though, and allowed him to study things easier than Maddie. People knew when Maddie was studying them; she got quiet and _stared_ at you. Jack shouted and let them think he was oblivious to the events happening around him. They let their guard down and acted in ways that they didn't in front of Maddie.

Ghosts worked the same way. They steered clear of Maddie who had too good aim and could improvise like _nothing._ They thought he was a joke. And maybe he was, because for all his talk about destruction and dissection, Jack didn't think he'd ever have the stomach for that.

He was a scientist, true. He was a self-proclaimed ghost hunter. Now, before all that, he was a father. And when the ghost he saw the most was one his son's age, he felt an odd sense of pity rise in him. He'd never be able to hurt someone that young, someone whose life was taken from them so early. He wouldn't be able to look at his family if he did. He wouldn't be able to sleep if an act like that was resting on his conscience.

So he invented things that worked; that tracked ghosts and trapped them and sent them away. But wasn't it _convenient_ that anything he tried to make that would _harm_ a ghost, mysteriously failed? Wasn't it such a shame that he wouldn't be able to blast a ghost to kingdom come or tear one apart?

Jack wondered how everyone thought he was blind when they were themselves.


	16. Paint it Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The not-so-funny St. Patrick's Day oneshot!

Danny entered the school and immediately breathed out a puff of blue air. Tucker groaned beside him. "Oh, bad luck," he muttered. Danny ignored him, scanning the halls. Nothing _seemed_ amiss...

Expect there was a lot of green everywhere. Which wasn't exactly _strange_ since it was the seventeenth of March and Danny was currently wearing a green armband, if only because he really didn't want to get pinched by anyone.

He took great pleasure pinching Tucker's arm all the way to school until the boy had switched his typically red hat with a green one.

Now, though, the green was starting to get a bit annoying. Had someone accidentally used ectoplasm in a decoration? (He wouldn't put it past his parents and he _knew_ they sometimes did things to the school.) Would he even be able to pick up ectoplasm without it being a ghost? Danny honestly didn't know, but suspected not since he'd never before, which meant there was ghost _somewhere_ around here, and it was really weird that Danny hadn't heard any shouts yet.

As he cautiously made his way towards his locker, he felt something slap his back and almost thought it was Dash but the jock was nowhere in sight. He spun around a few times and only stopped when Tucker started trying to hide laughter.

"What?" he asked, frowning at his friend.

"There's a–" Tucker gestured to Danny's back and the boy groaned. Reaching back, he yanked the sign away, scowling at it.

Written in green and slightly glittery letters was _"Kick me"_.

"But Dash isn't even _here_ ," Danny complained, crumpling the paper and tossing it into a nearby garbage can.

"I don't think it was Dash," Tucker replied. He wilted slightly under Danny's hard stare. "I mean, it was probably that ghost you sensed – all I saw was the paper float towards you when we passed that corner."

"I'm going to catch that punk," Danny muttered, pulling a 180 and darting back down the hall. Faint chuckling led him and he passed some other students, but ignored them all and how close he was to being late for his first class.

Eventually, he found himself in the art room, where the chuckling was a lot louder. Flinging open the door, he saw–

An elf? No, no, that was probably a leprechaun, given the holiday. And it was probably the ghost plaguing the school today, since it – he? – was a shade of glowing green and floating sideways in the middle of the room. And he was holding...

Oh no. Danny rushed back out of the room, but not before one of the water balloons hit the door and splattered it with green paint. He continued running even as the ghost followed, laughing uproariously and pelting the walls and passing students with paint.

"Is that a poltergeist?" Sam asked breathlessly as she caught up with Danny, ducking under a balloon ans skidding around the paint on the floor.

"I didn't even know they actually existed," Danny confessed, sliding around a corner and dragging Sam into the closest room he could find, hopefully before the ghost – poltergeist? – saw them.

"Do you think you can get rid of it?" Sam whispered, eying the door like it was going to bite. Danny shrugged, absently shifting forms.

"I think it's just a ghost," he said, frowning. "But if it is a poltergeist, I should still be able to catch it."

"Well," Sam said, standing a bit straighter, "have fun."

Then she shoved him towards the door. Danny yelped, going intangible a split second before he slipped into the hall.

He turned tangible just in time to get a face full of paint.

"Oh, now it's on," he growled, shooting after the laughing ghost with narrowed eyes.

–

The good news? He caught the ghost. Turns out it _wasn't_ a poltergeist and the Thermos worked on him just fine.

The bad news? By the time he was done, it was lunch and the entire school was green. Including the students.


	17. Unreliable Navigator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> because Danny is Jacks son, you knew this would happen

"We're lost," Tucker declared solemnly as the sun started to inch towards the horizon.

Danny, still walking in some general direction, waved him off. "No we aren't, Tuck."

"Actually, I think we are," Sam felt the need to argue. "I've seen this tree five times."

Danny paused. He glanced at said tree, a massive, gnarled mess, and figured, Yeah, that was pretty noticeable. "Oh."

"Do you have any idea where we are?" Tucker asked after he'd dropped onto a stump of a tree to rest.

Danny spent a moment twisting his face up, trying to find a way to avoid saying 'not really' before deciding it was a lost cause and shrugging. "Not really."

"Danny!" Sam shouted, marching forward to loom over their 'leader' as he was the one they'd been following for the past two hours. Danny shrunk away from her, eyes wide. "Do you know where _anything_ is?" she growled.

Danny floundered for a moment, then gestured past Sam's shoulder and somewhat to the right, "Amity Park's over there."

His friends stopped and blinked at him. Tucker asked, "And how do you know _that_?"

The resident Halfa shrugged again. "I think it might have something to do with ghost homing or something. Isn't that a thing; ghosts know where they died?"

Sam leaned back, contemplative. "I... think I have read that somewhere, yes."

"Well great!" Tucker declared, jumping to his feet. He clambered over to Danny, grabbing one of his arms. "Fly us home, ghost-boy!"

Danny stared at him like he was insane for a solid five seconds, but Tucker didn't lose his grin, so he sighed. After shifting into Phantom, he held out his other hand to Sam. "Come on. Maybe we can get home before dark."

Sam grumbled, but latched onto him anyway, trying to stay with him as he shot back towards his house.

It was just unfortunate that the rest of the Fenton's were still in Wisconsin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it's not actual a fact that Danny (and Jack) have no sense of direction. At this point, I'm just making stuff up.


	18. Easter Trials

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one more holiday for the list

Danny woke with a groan after a measly two hours of sleep, rolled off his bed and landed on the floor with a thump. He lay there for as long as he could before he started feeling himself dozing off again, and hauled himself laboriously to his feet.

Why did he have to get up today, anyway? It was a _Sunday_.

Alas, Jazz had long ago rigged his alarm clock to go off even if he tampered with it. At least on weekends, she was merciful enough to set it to _nine_ instead of _seven_. Not that the _ghosts_ took that into consideration.

Danny pushed that line of thought away, wandering clumsily downstairs. He stopped in the kitchen doorway.

There were eggs on the table.

Not, you know, _scrambled_ eggs or any type of _breakfast_ eggs, but actual, whole eggs. Probably hard-boiled, given half of them were peeled and in a separate bowl, while Maddie made her way through the main one.

They were also (and Danny really _shouldn't_ be surprised by now – this was _normal_ ) green and glowing.

Well. There went Easter.

(Danny hoped none of the neighborhood kids got Ghost Acne. Again.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not very funny _and_ a day late! Look at me go.


	19. Got Ghosts?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Halloween chapter  
>  ~~finally an update~~

Ah, Halloween. The day for all ages to go out and dress up in costumes and go to parties and eat copious amounts of sugar. A day of the year devoted to everything creepy, a day where scares and pranks were the norm. The day that always managed to coat the school with cheesy decorations, ranging from stereotypical ghost posters to fake cobwebs and spiders.

"Get back here!"

It was also the day _actual_ ghosts thought they could waltz all through Amity Park like they owned it, without any regard whatsoever to the resident Hero.

The current ghost causing some form of mayhem—a completely green witch lookalike—turned to blow a raspberry at Danny before hightailing it again.

"Why you little—" Danny growled, zipping after her.

The witch cackled, and launch another blob of ectoplasm from her wand — really, how stereotypical can you get? Danny watched helplessly as the blob hit its target and exploded, coating a jack-o-lantern in glowing goop.

And then the pumpkin started running around and screaming. Danny stared. The pumpkin briefly stopped and stared back. Then it screamed in his face and flew off after the witch.

"...I don't get paid enough for this," Danny said.

"You don't get paid at all!" Tucker called from below him on the street. Sam snickered.

It was going to be a long night.


End file.
